Eight Years

 Hey Bubby, 

It's been almost eight years Lukie. Eight years since I hugged your neck, eight years since you threw yourself in my arms from across the room. Eight years since I kissed your nose and told you how much I love you.

Some days it feels like yesterday, and somedays, it seems like a lifetime ago. I remember how to breathe on most days now, the days I forget are few and far between. I still think of you every day, several times a day. You are still the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep. 

There is a family I follow on social media, their three-year-old twins drowned in November.  The sister made a full recovery.  The brother, not so much.  He is alive and breathing on his own, but that's all.  He is stuck in a body that doesn't even function as a newborn.  My heart aches for his mama, with every update she posts, the optimistic and the forlorn ones. She is trying so hard to stay strong for her baby boy, chasing treatments and processes, trying to give her little boy some semblance of his former life back. I can't help but think that could have been us. I could have done the same things to you. Hoping, praying, traveling all over the country trying to find a treatment, a provider, a cure for your body and mind. I wonder if I would have had the strength to work that hard for you. Was it easier to just let you go? The more I think about it, and I think about it a lot, I think I did the right thing by letting you go. I think you fought hard my little man, you fought to come back to me, to us, but your body had had enough. It was tired and shutting down. I don't know if this little boy's mind is the same as it was, but I can't help but think you would have been miserable and wished for release instead of being stuck in a body that didn't work. As energetic and active and full of life as you were, living in a body you couldn't control would have been awful. 

I know, not I just believe, but I KNOW that you are in Heaven with your brothers, your Pappaw, and your Grandpa.  I know you are free to run, climb, chase angels, poor angels. I can't wait to see you again, to hear your squeaky voice say I love you mama.  I can't wait to hold you in my arms again Lukiepie. I miss you THIS much. 

Memories and What If's?

Little man,  it is almost your 9th birthday.  Your 9th!!!  Where has time gone?  It feels like yesterday I was waddling pregnant with a butterball turkey, my hips hurt so bad... then you were born and life was never the same!

I came across a Timehop post today about you.  You were terrified of a common housefly, but were still naming the ants on the sidewalk and trying to bring them inside to live because, "They are my friends mama!"

I think of you every time I come home from work, Snowball comes running out to the van and lays down and rolls around trying to get a belly scratch.  You would always come running outside to get a hug and ask if I brought you food.

I wonder what you would be like if you were still here.  Would you still have your squeaky baby voice?  Would you still be tall and scrawny?  How would you have done in second and third grade?  Would you have made Mr. Mike crazy in Stacking club? 

I wonder what life is like in Heaven.  Have you talked any angels out of their swords yet?  Is there a fishing pond?  What are your brothers like?  Did they meet you in the water with Jesus or were they waiting in Heaven for you?  I can't wait to get there to see you again baby.  Will you still be seven years old when I see you again or are you aging in heaven?  I want so much to hold you again, to feel you run across the room and jump in my arms again.  To wake up and find you snuggled next to me, to kiss the bridge of your nose and play with your hair.  I miss you so much Stinky man.

We don't have counselors anymore Lukie, insurance and the Thelma decided we were "cured."  I don't think we will ever be cured.  We are all still struggling with the daily things....... things sneak up on us and we are blindsided by the emotions.  A tech's wife is having baby boy after three or four girls, that left me in a puddle.  I keep telling him Luke is a good name, but I think they already have a name picked up.  I tried Bubby!!

We haven't gone a day when someone doesn't say, "Luke would have loved that", or "Luke would have said that", or something to that effect.  You are still in our hearts and thoughts every day baby boy. 

Haven't you moved on yet?

It has been 15 months since Luke died.  15 months since I hugged and kissed my baby boy.  To say a lot has happened in the time would be a gross understatement.  To say life has been hard would be like trying to fill a bucket with an eye dropper.  We have all changed.  J, K, and I are different than we were 14 months ago.  We still get up every morning; we still go to school and work.  The kids play, bills are paid and the cats are fed.  Sometimes, everything is done all on the same day. 

I have started to hear, it’s been a year already, aren’t you over it yet?  You can’t use Luke as an excuse the rest of your life, you need to get over it and move on.  You have to start living again.  Life goes on… the kids need…. (Whatever the person decides the kids need.)

So here is my reply to “Aren’t you over it yet?”  No, I am not over losing Luke.  No, my kids aren’t over losing their baby brother.  We will never “Get Over It.”   If you lost your arm in an accident tomorrow, would you ever “Get Over It?”  I don’t know, but I do know you will have a part of you missing for the rest of your life.  You will learn to do things with your other arm, you will probably become very efficient at living life with just one arm, but there will always be a part of you missing.  There will be times when you forget about that missing arm and try to use it. Then the pain and knowledge of the missing limb will hit you life a punch in the gut.   There will be times you would give anything to have that arm back, even if just for a few minutes.

I didn’t lose my arm, I lost my child.  The child I carried inside of me for 9 months, the child I rocked to sleep, the child I caught when he would hold his breath until he passed out.  The little boy who would hide in cabinets, text me while standing in front of me, launch himself into my arms from across the room, the snuggle bunny who wanted to hear Jack and the Beanstalk before bed, and then tell me he was too scared to sleep alone.

This amazing little boy was ripped from our lives.  There was no long lingering illness; there wasn’t knowledge that he would be living this world after a just seven short years.  I talked to him on the phone, told him I loved him and would see him the next day. 30 minutes later, he was gone.

So as hard as I try to keep life going for my two living kids and myself, as hard as I try not to use Luke as an excuse for a bad day, for the kids misbehavior, for the constant stomach ache and short temper, it is because my baby died. 

I know teachers are tired of hearing me explain what my kids have been through in the last 15 months, and I don’t want the kids to use Luke as an excuse for poor school performance and bed behavior.  I don’t want to use Luke as an excuse for missing work and trouble concentrating.  But sometimes, that is what it is.  Sometimes, like now, there is no amount of deep breathing, going to a happy place or breathing in a bag that can stop the tears and not being able to catch our breath. 

I still haven’t figured out how to live life without Luke.

Sharing the loot (Picture heavy)

My current goal in life is to make Thelma cry, and type 65 words a minute.  Making Thelma cry seems to be easier. So, here goes nothing. J

Friday night, J went Trick or Treating by himself.  This was probably his last year to go, so we hit every house we could for 90 minutes.  He got quite a load of candy, Thank you neighbors!

But he also got quite a few Reese Cups.  Since they were Luke's all-time favorite candy (man, were is hard to write), we took them to the cemetery yesterday so he could share with Luke.  (I think that is the most unnatural sentence I have ever written.)

Here are a few pics from the visit.

Trick or Treat

Today J woke up sick, and I was happy.  A sick kid meant I didn't have to deal with Halloween.  But by the afternoon, he was better and thinking about his costume.  He finally decided to be a Zombie Soccer Goalie with an Easter bag from Kroger to use to carry his loot.  I did a pretty good job on his make up if I do say so myself!

54

But then we started trick or treating.  It was a cold, windy, and overcast night and there weren't many kids out.  K is staying with Grandma for the weekend, so J just had me.  It hit me, watching him walk up and down driveways that Luke should be walking with him, they should be giggling and making monster noises as they beg strangers for candy.

It wasn't long after that J asked if I wanted his Reese Cups.  I said, “No thank you.”  He asked a few more times and finally asked why.  I explained that was Luke’s favorite candy, and I couldn't eat them because of that.  I asked if he wanted me to take them to work for the techs.  He thought for a few minutes and asked if we could take them to Luke’s grave, tomorrow because it would be too creepy to go on Halloween night.  “Of course.” I told him, we will go tomorrow afternoon.  As I was going through his candy after we came home, I decided Reese Cups were on clearance…… he had about 20 full size Reece Cup singles.

I hate seeing J do things alone he should be doing with his little brother.  This new normal really sucks.

PTSD

I haven't really talked about how J and K are doing since Luke’s accident.  I try to respect their privacy, especially since I am always telling them once you put it on the internet, it is out there Forever.  But I feel like I should talk about J for this post.  He was diagnosed with PTSD a little over a year ago.  He saw Luke drown in front of him, he tried to save his baby brother and failed.  He saw them sticking Luke with needles and putting tubes all over his little body. He saw them shocking him, he saw the CPR and the doctor’s and nurse’s faces while they worked.  He stood next to me while Luke took his final breathes.  That is a lot for an adult, I can’t imagine what it was like for a 9 year old boy.  From the time Luke was born, he was J’s best friend.  There was NEVER any jealousy on J’s part.  He took his role as big brother seriously.  He was Luke’s best friend, protector, cheerleader and co-conspirator.

After Luke died, I immediately put all three of us in therapy.  Due to insurance constraints, we have had a few therapists…. The most recent is Thelma.  She specializes in childhood trauma and is working on her Doctorate degree in Psychology.  She is the most patient, caring person I have ever met.  She has been good for J and me. 

That said, J and Thelma are doing hard work, talking about the day Luke drowned.  They have been working on that day for the last 2 months.  J finally had a breakthrough Friday and was able to name a feeling, an emotion about that day.  He has struggled with that for the last 15 months.  We are both SO proud of him!  On the dark side though….. This has been very, very hard on him.  He is not handling things well.  My once sweet, huggy, wouldn't hurt a fly child is struggling with anger towards himself, his dad, his sister and me about that day.

I have told him so many times it wasn't his fault, it should be ingrained in his head.  I have told him the same amount of times that his dad did not mean for Luke to get hurt and die, that he made a very bad decision.  J is mad at his sister for not going that weekend, not being there to save Luke.  He is mad at me for making them go with their dad that weekend.  He hasn't said he was mad at Luke, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was, that is a normal part of grief.  Luke left him here and is in Heaven with grandpa and papaw.  Crap, I am kinda jealous about that!

This weekend has been horrible.  There are so many triggers for his PTSD, it is like living in a minefield.  It has been one outburst after another.  He has spent more time in his room calming down than he has in the 3 years we have lived here.

I would appreciate any and all prayers for my kids…..  we have a long road ahead of us.

My Point of View

My Point of View

Written by Jonathan T. Zimmerman

I am Luke’s brother.  I was there when Luke drowned in the Wabash River.  I know exactly what happened and not what my dad thinks and he was there too.  My mom’s blog is all about Luke and how I told her how it happened.  I kinda forgot a few parts of it.  Like about the part where I was in 6 feet of water and if I wasn't in water, I would have had a concussion because I slipped on a rock and I floated to the bottom.  Which is where I found Luke.  So I tried to pick Luke up on my back, and if you have ever tried to pick up a kid in water, it is impossible, so I fell in again. And then, I finally got the strength to get out of the water and yell and cuss a little under my breath at my dad. (Sorry about that Mama.)  Anyways, I finally got out, ran up to my dad, he was busy playing games on his phone, I had to get his attention by getting out of the water, getting up as far as I could on the ramp, and yell at him.  It took about 30 seconds for him to realize what was going on.  And I yelled Thomas.  He finally went and got Luke out of the water. 

I told dad to give me his phone and I called 911.  They came, and then I called my mom.  When the fire trucks got there, it was weird.  I had never seen that many cars in the same place at the same time.  I could hear them pumping on Luke’s chest.  I once heard them yell he is not breathing, and a paramedic ran at him and had these little things and shocked him.  Then they put him in a fire truck and ran.  There wasn't enough ambulances because a trailer fell into the river. 

A policeman took me to the hospital, this was the third time I got to ride in a police car and I wasn't arrested!  At the hospital, I saw a whole bunch of tubes sticking out of Luke’s body. And I got free food.  I saw a whole lot of doctors.  They were shocking Luke.  They were saying clear.  I was outside the room with my dad.  I felt horrible.  Because it all happened so fast.  I didn't feel scared, just horrible.  

Memories

Sometimes my memories of Luke are so strong I can feel him leaning on me.  When I sit down to do homework, all of a sudden I will feel him leaning on my arm, asking how much longer because he wants to play on the computer.  I will see him running down the hallway and hear his silly giggle.  Our home is full of Luke memories, there is no place to hide from them.

I struggle with loving the memories that feel like he is here with wondering if he really is hanging around.  In my soul, I know my baby is safe in Heaven, surrounded by family and friends who went before him.  He is probably making the angels crazy trying to talk them out of their wings and swords.  But my heart and sometimes my mind want him here with me, even in spirit form.  What if he gets a day pass to come visit us, what if the goosebumps really are Lukie hanging on my arm or giving me a hug?

The past year has been the worst year of my life.  The kids still struggle with the loss of their brother and best friend.  J has PTSD and more anger than should ever be bottled up in a little boy. K struggles with guilt for not going that weekend and anger.  We have new counselors, yay insurance....  They have been good though.  We had Snap, Crackle and Pop at first because I fought to get them.  They knew the kids, they knew me, and most importantly, they knew Luke.  The new counselors are brand new and have experience and specialized in Traumatic Grief and PTSD.  I think they are going to prove to be invaluable in our future.

366 Days

That is how many days have passed since I buried my youngest son.  366 days ago, I stood at my dad's grave and watched Luke's body be lowered into the ground.  It is 370 days since Luke took a breath. I can no longer say, "This time last year, Luke..."  This time last year I was still in shock that I had buried my baby.  This time last year, I called the kids in from playing and hollered, "Katie, Johnny, Luke... time to come in."  As soon as the words left my mouth, I realized what I said.  That has happened a few times since.

My plan was to take the first 10 days of August off and focus on Jon and Katie and grieve Luke. Unfortunately, life got in the way of that, and we were busier than we were the entire summer.

I sense Luke often, silly things happen, doors won't shut, volume goes up and down.  The kids are convinced Luke is still here causing mischief.  But I know he is in heaven with Jesus and his grandpa and papaw.  But it is nice to think he comes and visits sometimes.

School starts in 3 days for the kids.  I am not looking forward to the first day.  This was Jon and Luke's last year together at Okolona.  Next year, I was supposed to have a child in elementary, middle and high school.  This new normal really stinks.

New Normal

Sitting down to supper the other night, Katie said it felt like normal, except it wasn't.  We have struggled the last 10 months with meal time.  I have a hard time going in the kitchen where Lukie used to stand next to me begging to help or for a taste or both.  He would bring me cookbooks and show me what we would make next.  He would tell me I needed to be on Worst Cooks in America because I was such a good cook, I would surely win!

Because it has been so hard to go in the kitchen, we have had a lot of sandwiches and cereal.  But I am trying to get back in the groove of cooking, mostly because the kids try to burn the house down when I let them make mac and cheese.

Shells and Cheese minus the water

Then there was the Easy Chocolate pie that was supposed to have three Tablespoons of Cocoa Powder, not three CUPS.  That should look like chocolate soup.

Easy Chocolate Pie

The hole in our family dynamic is huge.  At least once a day someone says, "Luke would love that." or "Do you remember when Luke..."  We have talked about setting a place at the table for Luke, just to remember him, but they aren't to excited about that yet.  Maybe later. Definitely for holidays.  

Jonathan is still adjusting to not sharing his room with anyone.  We still call it the boys room and the boys bathroom.  I have and will always have three kids.  Katie will always have two brothers, and Jon will always be a big and little brother.  He is not my youngest, he is still my middle child.

We have packed up most of Luke's things, there is a box in the hallway filled with Luke clothes my cousin is going to make into a quilt when I finally send them to her.  We found all the pieces to his favorite toys and his pillow pets decorate my couch.  I sleep with his two favorite stuffed animals, Austin and Mario from Build-A-Bear.



Today we went to Kentucky Kingdom.  Jon and Katie had a blast, but I kept thinking I should be counting three heads all day, especially in the water park.  It took everything I had to let them play in the water park.  I sat my self by the life guards, ready to push them in to save my kid in a heart beat.  At one point, I couldn't find Jonathan and couldn't breath.  He was fine...  I don't want them to be fearful, I don't want them to be scared of the water...  they need to play and have fun and the water is fun when it is 89 degrees!

Yesterday someone asked me if I had two kids.  I thought for a brief second, "Do I want to tell them about Luke?  Do I want to go into that story at work?" Then I said, "Yes."  The reality is, I have five kids, two babies I lost in pregnancy, Jon, Katie, and Luke.  I have FIVE kids.  Three just happen to already be home in Heaven waiting for the rest of us.

Luke's day, the day we took him off life support is coming faster than I like.  Up until then, I can say we did this with Luke last year.  After that day, it will be over a year since I have held my baby boy in my arms, over a year since I have kissed his head and nose and heard him say he will always be my baby bubberbutt.

I am really not liking this new normal.

Little Surprises

Hey Stink!

You are living up to your name tonight.  Jonathan has been cleaning the room you guys shared, still and always knows as "The Boys Room."  The things we have found....  you sure were a sneaky little boy!  Remember the house you promised to build me and make Katie and Jonathan live in the back yard because they are too messy?  Well Luke..... I guess it is good there isn't Nesquik and peanut butter in heaven.  And if there is, at least it won't mold when you hide them in the closet in your big house in the sky! 

We have parts of your Leap Pad, your 3DS and all of your animal hospital.  I have a large tote full of your clothes, you had more footie jammies than a Carter's outlet.

I am really proud of Jonathan, he is handling the cleaning a LOT better than I am.  He started a few weeks ago with Crackle, but Crackle has been on vacation, so Jon's surprise for him when he gets back is a completely clean room. Or at least as clean as a 10 year old can clean.

I am working on going back in the kitchen, but it is so hard Lukie.  Every time I go in there to cook, I hear your little squeaky voice asking what are you making, can I help, can I break the eggs, lick the bowl, put the cheese on.  You would bring me a cook book and tell me all the things we would make next.

Sometimes I think you are haunting Snowball.  He has decided whenever I sit in my chair, he has to sit on my chest and put his head on my shoulder.  Like you used to do.  You would sit on the arm of the chair and put your head on my shoulder.  I miss brushing your hair off your forehead and kissing your head. I miss you smelling like rainbows and butterflies after playing outside.  I miss you running across the room and throwing yourself in my arms for all you were worth.  

There is a huge hole where you are supposed to be baby.  I miss you so very much Lukie.  Some days the tears fall freely, like today.  Other days, the screams come from the depths of my soul, but there are no tears.  I can't help but wonder what the neighbors think as I scream in the shower.  Scream and wail.....

Next year you would be third grade.  Such a Big Boy bubby.  I think you would start being embarrassed about being my babybubberbutt.  But I am going to hold you to your promise that you will always be My BabyBubberButt.

I love you baby boy.  Tell Grandpa and Papaw and Great Granny and your brothers I love them and miss them too.

Mama

10 Months

It has been almost 10 months since you left baby boy.  That means it has also been almost a year since you ran across the room and threw yourself in my arms.  
There are no words to say how much I miss you little man. Some days it hurts to breathe, it takes everything I have to get up and get out of bed.  To cook supper and take care of your brother and sister.  It is so unfair that life keeps going on without you.  Doesn't the world know my baby boy is gone and everything should stop and wait with baited breath until Jesus comes back and I get to see you again?

School gets out in a few weeks, you should be finishing up the second grade and getting ready for the third grade.  I can't believe you would have been in the third grade in August!  The time since you were born has gone so fast.  I can only hope it continues to keep speeding along, the sooner I get old, the sooner I get to see you.

I love you so much Lukie!

May 8, 2014

     On May 8, 2014, Jonathan, Katie, Grandma and I celebrated Luke's 8th birthday by putting new flowers in the vase and releasing 8 bright, colorful balloons at his grave.  We left 2 Mylar balloons he would have loved.  I attached cards to the balloons we released and asked people to come here and put their first name and city and state where they found the balloon.  The pictures are out of order because I uploaded them from my phone at the cemetery.

  It is my hope all 8 balloon are found and counted here.

Luke's Balloons

If you found a Balloon with this website on it, please let us know in the comments where you found it. Then take a moment to read about our LukiePie.

Thank you!

Happy Birthday Handsome

 Eight years ago on May 8, 2006, Luke Christopher Bernard Zimmerman was born screaming via emergency c-section.  The nurses who cleaned him up and checked his apgars jokingly asked if we had signed him up for Kindergarten yet.  My baby was 9lbs, 8 oz and 21 inches long.  He was a BIG boy!

 

 

 Katie and Jonathan both fell in love with their new little brother instantly.

He became Katie's baby and Jonathan's best friend.  Life with Luke was never boring,

Hiding in Cabinets

Robots out of Toy boxes

Hot wiring a Little Tikes Car

Heatwave 2012/Soccer Camp

Spaghetti his favorite meal

Last year, my baby boy turned 7.  This was the last birthday he would celebrate here on earth.  He finally received his coveted Nintendo 3DS and as a joke, eye patches for his lazy eye.  We went out to eat and came home where all three kids devoured his HotWheels birthday cake.

A few months later, he thought it was hilarious to text me from Jonathan's hand-me-down cell phone while standing in front of me.

Life with Lukie

This is the letter I wrote for Pastor Scott to read at Luke's Memorial Service.  It started off as a letter to Luke and ended up being a letter to Scott.

Luke, from the day you were finally born I think you have been holding on to this world by a thread.  Life was certainly never boring after you came along.  Between the passing out from holding your breath, to the getting stuck in anything and everything you could put all or some of your tiny body into, you kept me on my toes.  There is so much I want to say, but I can’t find the words.

Living with Luke was trying to contain a tornado.  He didn't do anything in slow motion.  He was smart, he could do brain teasers that exhausted me, he has the memory of a steel trap, the determination of Luke.  He was going to get what he wanted and he would wheel and deal and bargain until you gave up out of frustration or confusion.  He was full of life and love.  So much love that last year he was naming the ants on the sidewalk and bringing them in because they were his friends.  He wanted everyone and everything to like him.  After a week at VBS where the theme was New York, New York, the Big Apple, he was going to live there when he grew up.  He was also going to build a great big house for him and me, but Jonathan and Katie had to live in the backyard because they were too messy.

He always had a hug, usually preferring to run across the room and jump into my arms before giving me my hug, and then repeating several times.  Bath time was pretty fun, Elmo tablets and whatever toys or cats he could sneak into the tub.  Reminding me to pat his butt if I forgot. .  He loved to snuggle up next to me in the chair or in the bed and beg for a bedtime story, to have his head rubbed or both.  He always wanted to hear Jack and the Beanstalk, then tell me he was too scared to go sleep in his bed.  And I fell for it every time.  After we were in bed, I had to sing to him, but not all the words. I could sing, “I love you Lukiepie, I love you my…” and he would have to say the next words.  It was like that for every SINGLE verse.  Then he would hug my neck, say, “I love you Mama.” and snuggle down deep.

When he turned six last year, I made a big deal about how he was such a big boy now.  He said, “Mama,” in that exasperated high pitch six year old voice, “I will always be your baby bubberbutt.” 

Last year, he has his first trip to Build A Bear where he made his dog Austin.  Austin was then a mainstay in our home, replacing all the Webkinz that were carried around, operated on and given baths.  He loved that dog, making sure to put a seatbelt on him every time we were in the van and sneaking him to school in his backpack.

Luke was my baby, my light and breath, but he is Jonathan’s best friend.  Jonathan takes his role as big brother very seriously.  He protected Luke on the first days of school in kindergarten and first grade, he made sure he had breakfast at school and didn’t leave his backpack in the van.  He was there when Luke went to Chess Club the first time and practiced with him at home so he played better.  They were looking forward to both being on the stacking team at school this year.  Nobody could make Jonathan as crazy as Luke would, but in the next breath, they would be hugging snuggled together reading a book or playing a game.  To Luke, Jonathan was more important than peanut butter and bacon!  And those were pretty important to Luke.

Occasionally we would buy lottery tickets if the jackpot was big enough.  That meant we had tickets to check the next time we went to Kroger.  One day we had the Powerball number.  Only the Powerball number and won a few dollars.  That didn’t keep Luke and Jonathan from screaming, “We WON the Power Ball!!” in the middle of Kroger’s, garnering several interested looks from strangers.  I thought we might get mugged for $7.00.

Katie would babysit while I was at work.  I would get phone calls from Luke hiding in the bathroom to “Tell on” Katie.  He was very matter of fact on the phone and would call several times a shift, “Just to see when you are coming home.  And can I play on the computer? And can you bring me some food?  Katie won’t feed me.”  It was always fun to let my co-workers hear those messages.

We had several conversations about God, and Jesus and Heaven.  Luke knew he had two brothers that went to heaven before they were born and his grandpa in the ground went to heaven when Mama was a little girl.  Last summer, Luke prayed for Jesus to be his savior and prayed the sinner’s prayer.  So I know he is there with family gone before waiting for us to meet him there.  I can only pray it is sooner rather than later.

Luke loved when all of his family was around, he was always asking to go see Aunt Mary and Uncle John, to go see Grandma and the dogs.  Can they come over here?  Why do they have to work?  They don’t need money, they can live with us!

He had an answer for everything.  Except where his shoes where, why there was a peanut butter jar under the bed or milk in the closet.  He didn’t know who wrote Luke on the bathroom door or colored the white cat pink.  Heavy Sigh, “Ok mama, it was me…  But I can give him a bath!!”

Luke loved to clean, especially dust.  And if he couldn’t find the Pledge, he would use the butter flavored Pam.  On the TV.  And the wooden TV cabinet. But give him a Magic Eraser and the walls would shine.  So would the mirrors, windows, and cat.

There is so much more to Luke, his smile and laughter that lite up a room.  His strange sense of humor and dry humor.  He was too old for his age.

As Luke crossed over into the arms of Jesus, he was surrounded by the love and support of family.  They stood guard, surrounding us like an army of angels protecting us and giving us their strength.  I was able to hold Bub on my lap, snuggled in my arms while he took his last breaths and let go of the cord holding him to earth and me.  Several years ago, I was in a worship service and saw God’s angels kneeling in the aisles, wings folded, and swords in their sheaths.  Monday morning, I saw angels in GiGi, Sammy, Timmy, Uncle Sherry and Aunt Lee, Jenn, Grandma, Jonathan and Katie.  It could not have been more peaceful or beautiful.  Luke Christopher Bernard Zimmerman was born into this world on Monday May 8, 2006.  He left this world and went to heaven on Monday August 5, 2013.

Give your grandpa and papaw and brothers a hug for me and say hi to all the Spals and PALC kids for me.  I miss you baby boy.

Luke and the President

Luke with "Aarock O Mama" May 4, 2009

Lukie was three years old when I took this picture.  The kids and I had taken a few days during spring break and traveled to Cincinnati for a mini vacation. 

We stopped at Biggs Grocery store in Harrison OH to grab some snack food. While I was in the check out lane, the kids were visiting the game and candy machines in the front of the store.  Luke came back to me crying, "Aarock O Mama!!"  I had NO idea what he was talking about, but on the way out, he kept pointing to the "Claw Machine" and saying it over and over.  I stopped and asked him if he wanted the Barack Obama doll.  He smiled, clapped and said, "YES!"  I resigned to spend several dollars getting my baby this doll, only because he was so cute about wanting a Barack Obama doll. 

 Thankfully, and amazingly, I won on my first $.50!  Lukie carried that doll around for a good year before I think we left it somewhere...

After Lukie died in August, I sent a short note along with this picture to President Obama.  

This came in Saturday's mail.

Dear Janice:

     Michelle and I were deeply saddened to learn of the loss of your son, Luke.  Words fail when a child is taken from us too soon, but I pray you find comfort and strength in the love and support of family and friends.

     My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.


         Sincerely,

                                                                         Barack Obama