Little Surprises

Hey Stink!

You are living up to your name tonight.  Jonathan has been cleaning the room you guys shared, still and always knows as "The Boys Room."  The things we have found....  you sure were a sneaky little boy!  Remember the house you promised to build me and make Katie and Jonathan live in the back yard because they are too messy?  Well Luke..... I guess it is good there isn't Nesquik and peanut butter in heaven.  And if there is, at least it won't mold when you hide them in the closet in your big house in the sky! 

We have parts of your Leap Pad, your 3DS and all of your animal hospital.  I have a large tote full of your clothes, you had more footie jammies than a Carter's outlet.

I am really proud of Jonathan, he is handling the cleaning a LOT better than I am.  He started a few weeks ago with Crackle, but Crackle has been on vacation, so Jon's surprise for him when he gets back is a completely clean room. Or at least as clean as a 10 year old can clean.

I am working on going back in the kitchen, but it is so hard Lukie.  Every time I go in there to cook, I hear your little squeaky voice asking what are you making, can I help, can I break the eggs, lick the bowl, put the cheese on.  You would bring me a cook book and tell me all the things we would make next.

Sometimes I think you are haunting Snowball.  He has decided whenever I sit in my chair, he has to sit on my chest and put his head on my shoulder.  Like you used to do.  You would sit on the arm of the chair and put your head on my shoulder.  I miss brushing your hair off your forehead and kissing your head. I miss you smelling like rainbows and butterflies after playing outside.  I miss you running across the room and throwing yourself in my arms for all you were worth.  

There is a huge hole where you are supposed to be baby.  I miss you so very much Lukie.  Some days the tears fall freely, like today.  Other days, the screams come from the depths of my soul, but there are no tears.  I can't help but wonder what the neighbors think as I scream in the shower.  Scream and wail.....

Next year you would be third grade.  Such a Big Boy bubby.  I think you would start being embarrassed about being my babybubberbutt.  But I am going to hold you to your promise that you will always be My BabyBubberButt.

I love you baby boy.  Tell Grandpa and Papaw and Great Granny and your brothers I love them and miss them too.

Mama

10 Months

It has been almost 10 months since you left baby boy.  That means it has also been almost a year since you ran across the room and threw yourself in my arms.  
There are no words to say how much I miss you little man. Some days it hurts to breathe, it takes everything I have to get up and get out of bed.  To cook supper and take care of your brother and sister.  It is so unfair that life keeps going on without you.  Doesn't the world know my baby boy is gone and everything should stop and wait with baited breath until Jesus comes back and I get to see you again?

School gets out in a few weeks, you should be finishing up the second grade and getting ready for the third grade.  I can't believe you would have been in the third grade in August!  The time since you were born has gone so fast.  I can only hope it continues to keep speeding along, the sooner I get old, the sooner I get to see you.

I love you so much Lukie!

May 8, 2014

     On May 8, 2014, Jonathan, Katie, Grandma and I celebrated Luke's 8th birthday by putting new flowers in the vase and releasing 8 bright, colorful balloons at his grave.  We left 2 Mylar balloons he would have loved.  I attached cards to the balloons we released and asked people to come here and put their first name and city and state where they found the balloon.  The pictures are out of order because I uploaded them from my phone at the cemetery.

  It is my hope all 8 balloon are found and counted here.

Luke's Balloons

If you found a Balloon with this website on it, please let us know in the comments where you found it. Then take a moment to read about our LukiePie.

Thank you!

Happy Birthday Handsome

 Eight years ago on May 8, 2006, Luke Christopher Bernard Zimmerman was born screaming via emergency c-section.  The nurses who cleaned him up and checked his apgars jokingly asked if we had signed him up for Kindergarten yet.  My baby was 9lbs, 8 oz and 21 inches long.  He was a BIG boy!

 

 

 Katie and Jonathan both fell in love with their new little brother instantly.

He became Katie's baby and Jonathan's best friend.  Life with Luke was never boring,

Hiding in Cabinets

Robots out of Toy boxes

Hot wiring a Little Tikes Car

Heatwave 2012/Soccer Camp

Spaghetti his favorite meal

Last year, my baby boy turned 7.  This was the last birthday he would celebrate here on earth.  He finally received his coveted Nintendo 3DS and as a joke, eye patches for his lazy eye.  We went out to eat and came home where all three kids devoured his HotWheels birthday cake.

A few months later, he thought it was hilarious to text me from Jonathan's hand-me-down cell phone while standing in front of me.

Life with Lukie

This is the letter I wrote for Pastor Scott to read at Luke's Memorial Service.  It started off as a letter to Luke and ended up being a letter to Scott.

Luke, from the day you were finally born I think you have been holding on to this world by a thread.  Life was certainly never boring after you came along.  Between the passing out from holding your breath, to the getting stuck in anything and everything you could put all or some of your tiny body into, you kept me on my toes.  There is so much I want to say, but I can’t find the words.

Living with Luke was trying to contain a tornado.  He didn't do anything in slow motion.  He was smart, he could do brain teasers that exhausted me, he has the memory of a steel trap, the determination of Luke.  He was going to get what he wanted and he would wheel and deal and bargain until you gave up out of frustration or confusion.  He was full of life and love.  So much love that last year he was naming the ants on the sidewalk and bringing them in because they were his friends.  He wanted everyone and everything to like him.  After a week at VBS where the theme was New York, New York, the Big Apple, he was going to live there when he grew up.  He was also going to build a great big house for him and me, but Jonathan and Katie had to live in the backyard because they were too messy.

He always had a hug, usually preferring to run across the room and jump into my arms before giving me my hug, and then repeating several times.  Bath time was pretty fun, Elmo tablets and whatever toys or cats he could sneak into the tub.  Reminding me to pat his butt if I forgot. .  He loved to snuggle up next to me in the chair or in the bed and beg for a bedtime story, to have his head rubbed or both.  He always wanted to hear Jack and the Beanstalk, then tell me he was too scared to go sleep in his bed.  And I fell for it every time.  After we were in bed, I had to sing to him, but not all the words. I could sing, “I love you Lukiepie, I love you my…” and he would have to say the next words.  It was like that for every SINGLE verse.  Then he would hug my neck, say, “I love you Mama.” and snuggle down deep.

When he turned six last year, I made a big deal about how he was such a big boy now.  He said, “Mama,” in that exasperated high pitch six year old voice, “I will always be your baby bubberbutt.” 

Last year, he has his first trip to Build A Bear where he made his dog Austin.  Austin was then a mainstay in our home, replacing all the Webkinz that were carried around, operated on and given baths.  He loved that dog, making sure to put a seatbelt on him every time we were in the van and sneaking him to school in his backpack.

Luke was my baby, my light and breath, but he is Jonathan’s best friend.  Jonathan takes his role as big brother very seriously.  He protected Luke on the first days of school in kindergarten and first grade, he made sure he had breakfast at school and didn’t leave his backpack in the van.  He was there when Luke went to Chess Club the first time and practiced with him at home so he played better.  They were looking forward to both being on the stacking team at school this year.  Nobody could make Jonathan as crazy as Luke would, but in the next breath, they would be hugging snuggled together reading a book or playing a game.  To Luke, Jonathan was more important than peanut butter and bacon!  And those were pretty important to Luke.

Occasionally we would buy lottery tickets if the jackpot was big enough.  That meant we had tickets to check the next time we went to Kroger.  One day we had the Powerball number.  Only the Powerball number and won a few dollars.  That didn’t keep Luke and Jonathan from screaming, “We WON the Power Ball!!” in the middle of Kroger’s, garnering several interested looks from strangers.  I thought we might get mugged for $7.00.

Katie would babysit while I was at work.  I would get phone calls from Luke hiding in the bathroom to “Tell on” Katie.  He was very matter of fact on the phone and would call several times a shift, “Just to see when you are coming home.  And can I play on the computer? And can you bring me some food?  Katie won’t feed me.”  It was always fun to let my co-workers hear those messages.

We had several conversations about God, and Jesus and Heaven.  Luke knew he had two brothers that went to heaven before they were born and his grandpa in the ground went to heaven when Mama was a little girl.  Last summer, Luke prayed for Jesus to be his savior and prayed the sinner’s prayer.  So I know he is there with family gone before waiting for us to meet him there.  I can only pray it is sooner rather than later.

Luke loved when all of his family was around, he was always asking to go see Aunt Mary and Uncle John, to go see Grandma and the dogs.  Can they come over here?  Why do they have to work?  They don’t need money, they can live with us!

He had an answer for everything.  Except where his shoes where, why there was a peanut butter jar under the bed or milk in the closet.  He didn’t know who wrote Luke on the bathroom door or colored the white cat pink.  Heavy Sigh, “Ok mama, it was me…  But I can give him a bath!!”

Luke loved to clean, especially dust.  And if he couldn’t find the Pledge, he would use the butter flavored Pam.  On the TV.  And the wooden TV cabinet. But give him a Magic Eraser and the walls would shine.  So would the mirrors, windows, and cat.

There is so much more to Luke, his smile and laughter that lite up a room.  His strange sense of humor and dry humor.  He was too old for his age.

As Luke crossed over into the arms of Jesus, he was surrounded by the love and support of family.  They stood guard, surrounding us like an army of angels protecting us and giving us their strength.  I was able to hold Bub on my lap, snuggled in my arms while he took his last breaths and let go of the cord holding him to earth and me.  Several years ago, I was in a worship service and saw God’s angels kneeling in the aisles, wings folded, and swords in their sheaths.  Monday morning, I saw angels in GiGi, Sammy, Timmy, Uncle Sherry and Aunt Lee, Jenn, Grandma, Jonathan and Katie.  It could not have been more peaceful or beautiful.  Luke Christopher Bernard Zimmerman was born into this world on Monday May 8, 2006.  He left this world and went to heaven on Monday August 5, 2013.

Give your grandpa and papaw and brothers a hug for me and say hi to all the Spals and PALC kids for me.  I miss you baby boy.