He sat in the corner of the living room, I sat in my chair, K, grandma and Thelma sitting on the couch. K tried and tried pushing his buttons, trying to get some kind of reaction. Telling him of the last year, how hard things have been, how much she has struggled. He sat, nodded and smiled. There was no reaction.
J talked, played on his dad's phone and told him about his last year. He skirted over the hard stuff.
The tension kept getting thicker. The kids were sent outside to play. Grandma went first. 18 years of words bottled up for so long were finally let loose. Lines were drawn, the gauntlet thrown down. When the steam ran out, I started. While you have destroyed our family twice now, you go about your business, living your life like nothing has happened. I am left to pick up the pieces, to put our kids back together again. I blame myself for Luke's accident, J blames himself, K blames herself. What responsibility do you take? Excuses, might as well be crickets. More excuses, no responsibility. I am not surprised. K appears indifferent, but I know her heart is breaking. She wants to be a daddy's girl, and I have failed her in that. I gave her a dad who has no idea what a precious gift she truly is. J only knows how to relate to him with sports, but J is not a sports person. Remind Tom of that.... anger seethes, face turns red, hands yank on fingers and pants. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change.
Have you been to Luke's grave? Have you seen his stone? If you are going to see it before it gets dark, you should leave now.
Kids in hives, stress of the weekend finally coming out. Not able to say what needed to be said, manifests itself in their little bodies.
I can tell my kids all day and night dad is not going to change, he will always be like that. But they will have to learn it for themselves. I won't keep them from a relationship, but the rules have changed.
