August 3, 2013

I sent them that weekend.  I had to work, Tom and I fought whenever he was here and it was the watermelon festival that weekend.  Lots of free melon, bouncy houses and things to look at.  Tom said he had money for the festival, money to do fun things with the kids.  He didn’t.  He balked about the price of the pool 20 minutes north.  It would have cost maybe $10 to take them to swim.  Jon didn’t want to go.  He cried when they left.  He kept coming back to me hugging me.  I kept hugging him and Luke before they left.  He called me Saturday morning, he didn’t feel good, and he wanted to come home.  I had to work 9-6 on Saturday and open to close on Sunday.  With Tom, they would be out of Katie’s hair, I wouldn’t get phone calls every 10 minutes from someone crying and my house would be relatively clean. (or so I thought)  I made them stay.  

     They called me 30 minutes before Luke drown to say Hi.  They never called me, I always called them.  I am forever grateful for that phone call.  I told them I loved them and to make sure they took a shower before they went to bed.  I would see them the next evening. 

      I went to the bathroom and put my PJ’s on and got in bed.  It was 7:58.  The phone rang and I didn’t recognize the #, but it was a Vincennes area code so I answered.  Jonathan was so calm, Luke had an accident.  He couldn’t tell me what, but I heard the sirens getting closer. I told him I was coming, Baby, I’m coming….  I yelled for Katie, get your shoes, we are going to Indiana, Luke is hurt.  I called Jim, I am sorry, there’s been an accident, I have to go to Indiana, I won’t be at work tomorrow.  I grabbed my pants, and shoes.  My phone and out the door.  I thought about a pony tail holder, but decided against it. Called Kori in Vincennes and left a message.  Luke has been hurt and is at Good Sam, please go to my baby Kori. Katie grabbed my keys and locked the door and met me at the van.  I called my mom, but she didn’t answer. I pulled in her driveway as VM picked up.  There’s been an accident, we’re going to Indiana, will you go?  She grabbed her purse and got in.  Janice, let me drive.  I got it, my blinkers are on. The phone rings, it’s Tom.  Luke drowned, but I got him out and he’s really cold.  It’s good he’s really cold, it helps save them.  Is he breathing?  Yes, he’s breathing.  Janice, let me drive.  I got it.  Phone rings, missed the Watterson.  They are doing CPR.  YOU SAID HE WAS BREATHING.  No they are breathing for him.   They are shocking him.  Puts nurse on the phone.  It looks bad.  Don’t know how long he was under, no pulse or respirations.  Please save my baby, don’t let him die.  Tom gets back on phone.  Where is Jonathan?  He’s in the room.  GET HIM OUT OF THERE.  Finally get on 64.  Pull over and let mom drive near Shively.  Trying not to scare Katie.  Luke is going to be ok.  Let’s pray for Luke.  Sonny calls.  It’s bad Janice, I’m not going to lie to you.  Please Sonny, save my baby boy.  Sister, they are doing everything they can, but we don’t know how long he was under.  SAVE MY BABY BOY.  I gotta go, I will call you back and let you know something.  Janice, Sonny is going to call the ISP and get a police escort.  What is your license plate?  911 what is your emergency?  I am driving from Louisville to Vincennes, my baby drowned, we are supposed to get a police escort.  I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t do that anymore.  Ok, I am driving a Honda Odyssey, don’t pull me over because I won’t stop.  My baby needs me. Sonny called, Janice, they have a heartbeat, but he’s not breathing on his own.  They are going to evac him somewhere else. I will let you know where. Tom called, Rose and Debbie from church are here.  Scott is here and will drive Jonathan and me where ever Luke goes.  Pull over, have to pee, my eyes are swishing.  Katie has to pee.  Side of the road…. Fun fun.  Sonny, Janice they are going to St Mary’s in Evansville.  Kori will meet you there.  You will beat the helicopter.   Get to St Mary’s.  Kori and kids are there.  Wow, they have grown.  Bryton is driving, Taylor is beautiful.  Brianna is so tall.  Helicopter lands, nurse says that isn’t Luke, but it is him.  They have to get him upstairs.  She comes back and takes us upstairs.  Can’t see him yet.  DNR comes looking for Tom.  Talks to Dr’s.  Will come back to talk to Tom.  John and Mary come.  Why are they here?  Don’t ask, just ignore Mary.  Tom comes, tries to explain himself.  I want to kill him, I want to beat his head into the ground.  I don’t.  I sit there and murder him with my eyes.  Scott stands behind him with Jonathan.  John takes Jonathan to get a drink.  I tell Tom Luke is dying and it is his fault.  He gets mad and clenches his fists and makes excuses.  Janice….. not now mom says… I can’t get thrown out of the hospital, my baby needs me. Dr comes in, Luke’s condition is grave. If he lives, there will be severe brain damage.  Wheel chairs, paralyzed.  Infant like, maybe never breath on his own again.

Luke at Kosair  PICU August 4, 2013 

An hour later, they let me in to see my baby boy.  He looks so peaceful, just sleeping.  Naked, wires and tubes sticking out everywhere.  Lukie baby, I’m here, Mama’s here.  Open your eyes little man, squeeze my hand.  He does, but he is posturing.  It isn't purposeful.  His brain is dying.  Too many wires and tubes. Sit next to him, hold his hand and don’t move.  Tight quarters, kids come in and see him.  Talk to him. Tell him you love him.  Hospital gives us a room for the kids to sleep in.  go to the bathroom. Come back, drs are working. Sit in hallway. Kori, is he going to make it. It’s bad Janice.  He squeezed my hand. I know.  Do you feel him?  Yes I say, but I know he is gone.  He’s not coming back to me.  Go the bathroom again.  Room filled with drs and nurses, he is coding and they are doing everything.  No bells, whistles or alarms, silent code. Dr says he’s going to Kosair, Ecmo maybe will help.  Can’t fly until 6 am. That is 2 hours.  20 minutes later, he’s going by different team in 30 minutes.  Kiss Luke, tell him you love him, he will probably not live to get to Louisville.  Kids go with John and Mary.  I watch helicopter take off with my baby in it.  Pray the entire way back to Louisville.  Call Sherry, please meet my baby at the hospital, don’t let him be there alone.