People are
scared to talk to me about my child who died.
They are afraid they will make me cry.
They are afraid they will cry.
Maybe my loss reminds them of a loss they have had in their lives,
something hidden and buried and tries to break free when reminded of my loss.
Maybe they
don’t know what to say, afraid of saying the wrong thing, so they say
nothing. They ignore posts on social
media, they pretend nothing has changed.
This past
weekend was Luke’s 9th birthday and Mother’s Day. It was a rough weekend. A friend, “C” actually shared a Facebook Post
about talking to grieving moms, she said it helped her to see that saying
anything is actually comforting and helpful. You can read the article here. This is how to stop
the world
I have an
amazing group of online friends I met years ago in a group called Spals. They have called, send cards and flowers and
checked in regularly to make sure the kids and I are OK. They remember every holiday and
anniversary. They too are mothers of
kids in heaven. After we graduated from
Spals, most of us not planning on having any more Spals babies, we kept in
touch by a new e-mail group and now by Facebook and texting. There have even been a few “Surprise”
babies. It is hard to believe I have
known some of these women for 15 years!
They even forgive (I hope) my lack of communication when I just can’t
talk about things and my rambling, long confusing posts when there is no one
else to talk to.
I spent part
of the weekend being sad and frustrated more people in my off-line life didn’t
recognize Lukie’s b-day. It seemed
besides “C”, everyone who posted or said or did something to remember Luke has
lost a child in one manner or the other.
Today it occurred
to me that maybe the people whom I was disappointed in were hurting too. Maybe my loss, maybe Luke’s dying reminded
them of something they have buried so deep they don’t even realize it is still
hurting. They deal with my hurt by
ignoring it, brushing it under the rug, going on with life as usual because to
acknowledge my pain would be the catalyst that brought their own pain rushing
back to the surface.
To everyone
who acknowledged Luke’s birthday Friday, Thank You! To the people who find it too hard to think
about….. I am truly sorry for your pain.
I pray you find the strength to deal with whatever is hurting you.