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I haven't really talked about
how J and K are doing since Luke’s accident.
I try to respect their privacy, especially since I am always telling
them once you put it on the internet, it is out there Forever. But I feel like I
should talk about J for this post. He
was diagnosed with PTSD a little over a year ago. He saw Luke drown in front of him, he tried
to save his baby brother and failed. He
saw them sticking Luke with needles and putting tubes all over his little body.
He saw them shocking him, he saw the CPR and the doctor’s and nurse’s faces
while they worked. He stood next to me
while Luke took his final breathes. That
is a lot for an adult, I can’t imagine what it was like for a 9 year old
boy. From the time Luke was born, he was
J’s best friend. There was NEVER any
jealousy on J’s part. He took his role
as big brother seriously. He was Luke’s
best friend, protector, cheerleader and co-conspirator.
After Luke died, I immediately put
all three of us in therapy. Due to
insurance constraints, we have had a few therapists…. The most recent is
Thelma. She specializes in childhood
trauma and is working on her Doctorate degree in Psychology. She is the most patient, caring person I have
ever met. She has been good for J and
me.
That said, J and Thelma are
doing hard work, talking about the day Luke drowned. They have been working on that day for the
last 2 months. J finally had a
breakthrough Friday and was able to name a feeling, an emotion about that
day. He has struggled with that for the
last 15 months. We are both SO proud of
him! On the dark side though….. This has
been very, very hard on him. He is not
handling things well. My once sweet,
huggy, wouldn't hurt a fly child is struggling with anger towards himself, his
dad, his sister and me about that day.
I have told him so many times
it wasn't his fault, it should be ingrained in his head. I have told him the same amount of times that
his dad did not mean for Luke to get hurt and die, that he made a very bad
decision. J is mad at his sister for
not going that weekend, not being there to save Luke. He is mad at me for making them go with their
dad that weekend. He hasn't said he was
mad at Luke, but I wouldn't be surprised if he was, that is a normal part of
grief. Luke left him here and is in
Heaven with grandpa and papaw. Crap, I
am kinda jealous about that!
This weekend has been
horrible. There are so many triggers for
his PTSD, it is like living in a minefield. It has been one outburst after another. He has spent more time in his room calming
down than he has in the 3 years we have lived here.
I would appreciate any and all
prayers for my kids….. we have a long
road ahead of us.
